Pirate Alley sitting duck

Three days ago we sailed away from the land of the fat fake Fakirs, headed for Safaga and the Valley of the Kings.

On our first day at sea we had pirate drill. This is where all passengers repair to their cabins, put their head between their legs and kiss their arse goodbye - whilst the crew make their escape in the lifeboats!

That evening, after the drill, the ship slowed to a halt and remained motione\less (apart from the waves, for a good two hours. I believe this was to give the pirates target practice. After some time our new captain (changeover in Dubai) announced we had a technical difficulty with one of the engines and investigations were underway prior to repair. The ship resumed passage 2 hours later.

Meanwhile, to advertise our presence to pirates, huge allweather signs have been draped along the guardrails on the promenade deck advising pirates that we are a secure ship and that it would be in their best interests not to attack us. Fire hoses have also been laid out (we don't want dirty unkempt pirates do we) and a couple of huge boom box - burst your eardrums devices in case we are approached. Unfortunately the signage is in English, not your Yemeni or Somali pirates first language, Anyway it did the trick on the passengers all of whom found it necessary to repair to their latrines asap.

I awoke at 1230 this morning to hear a horrible grinding noise and rumbling sound. No - it wasn't something I had eaten. Oops No. 2 engine had conked out again. So since midnight we have been steaming on one propeller at a speed of only 13 knots rather than the usual 19K. The Captain this morning announced that due to our slow progress, we may have to miss our next stop which is Luxor and the Valley of the Kings.Not a popular decision.

So here we are, right in the pirate red zone, with Yemen on one side and Somalia on the other going nowhere fast. I've decided to make it the subject of a new novel in which we are forced into Aden and all taken hostage.

Of course, as luck would have it, we are sailing into a force 8 wind with 2 metre seas and a 3 metre swell.

Upon reflection, with the constant turnaround of these ships on the same day as the end of the previous voyage, you have to wonder if they ever get refitted or is it just tinkering on the run.

Anyway, it's exciting now - watch this space.